Trust is such a funny thing. I can say I’m definitely one of the people out there that has to “see to believe!” Now my one caveat to this is when it comes to DIY. Most of the time I’m Ok with trying something new and for the first time without any idea of the outcome. That’s not what I’m talking about.
Pure and abandoned-self trust. Do I have it? Well, that depends on what we are talking about. There are things that I absolutely and 100% trust and know. But there are other things that I struggle with.
Let me elaborate…When I was younger I was a fly-by-the seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. I can’t necessarily say that I was trusting God with the details, I just didn’t worry about the details. I knew that things would work, don’t ask me how I did, I just did. The older I have gotten, it seems I have lost that feeling of “everything will work, I just know it will” attitude.
I have seen God provide time and time again. It doesn’t matter what I needed at that moment, my needs were taken care of… I have EXPERIENCED it over and over and over again.
When my family moved from Pennsylvania to Indiana, it wasn’t the easiest time. We questioned the move and struggled with “did we make the right decision” syndrome. But every time we discussed and questioned, I always came back to the fact that it was all too easy. The job might not be easy at the moment, but everything else had fallen into place. We had sold our house in two days (right after the huge “housing crisis”) for more than our asking price, we had moved into a wonderful neighborhood and met incredible people (who had kids) and found a church, that for the first time in our marriage felt like HOME. God was showing up in so many ways. Trust… I knew it would get better and it did. God blessed us through that situation, even though it wasn’t how we wanted or thought it should happen.
Do you remember how many times the disciples forgot to trust Jesus? Jesus always provided and yet they still doubted. He fed 5000 (John 6:1-14) but Phillip questioned him. Phillip had, only a short time before this, witnessed him heal the crippled man (John 5 1-15). I know there are numerous times throughout the Gospels that we see doubt by Jesus’ disciples, the men who walked with him and saw his miracles first hand. So, it doesn’t surprise me that I forget to trust. BUT, it does shock me every time I look back and wonder why I ever doubted his Goodness!? I am his daughter and he will take care of me..True Story! 😉
I think I need to slow down (Be still and Know That I AM God!). I keep trying to figure things out my way and I just need to let go. I think even as adults we act so much like children. When I tell my girls to do/not do something, because I know the outcome, it’s for their own good. I ultimately have to let them make their own mistakes, but when when they trust that I’m the parent and I know what’s best for them…we are all happier. (at least in the long run!)
I love this song by Sidewalk Prophets called Help Me Find It. The line, “Whatever your WILL, can you help me find it?” is all about trusting that we will be taken care of…TRUSTING.